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Mon 14 Oct

5:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
The Dad Hat
Season 5 Episode 7/22

Kristin is surprised that Mike is treating her more like a dad than her boss, and Mandy and Kyle hope Ed will want their help in rekindling his relationship with his ex-girlfriend
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Smallville
Rosetta
Season 2 Episode 17/23

Lana moves into the Luthor mansion, while Clark sets out to discover where he came from, visiting New York to meet a brilliant scientist who has a message for him from Krypton. Featuring a guest appearance by Christopher Reeve, who played Superman in the 1978 movie and its three sequels, with Tom Welling, Kristin Kreuk and Michael Rosenbaum
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.2
10:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 3 Episode 9/14

Agents Delroy and Kevin face a web of deceit in an Italian delicatessen in south London as they chase a huge debt amounting to £29,000. Meanwhile, Steve and Paul must evict a tenant in north London who has not paid her rent for over 18 months, before heading to Cambridgeshire to make one of their most emotional evictions to date. Plus, Brian and Delroy track down a pensioner in Surrey who owes £15,000 for a business he bought four years ago
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
11:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 3 Episode 10/14

In Bedfordshire, agents Paul and Steve try to evict a community of travellers who have set up home in a private car park, however they receive a hostile response and must react to prevent the situation from spiralling out of control. Elsewhere, Stewart and Elmore chase a debt of over £3,000 in Merseyside, and in east London, Paul and Steve attempt to evict a Romanian family who stopped paying rent seven months ago. Plus, Stuart and Vic try to recover £5,000 owed by a forklift truck company after an agreement went sour
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
12:10pm
My Wife and Kids
The Anniversary Present
Season 4 Episode 17/30

Michael and Jay prepare to celebrate their anniversary, but are both forced to conceal their disappointment when they do not receive the gifts they were expecting. American sitcom, starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
12:40pm
My Wife and Kids
Illegal Smile
Season 4 Episode 18/30

Michael has an anti-wrinkle injection, but it has the unfortunate side-effect of leaving his mouth twisted into a permanent smile - which soon gets him into trouble. American sitcom, starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
1:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Season 2 Episode 23/24

Evelyn hears that Jake has been spending a lot of time with his other grandparents and demands he stay with her for a night. Alan is horrified at the prospect of his son getting the same treatment he did, so Charlie tries to take his mind off things - with help from a female volleyball team
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:35pm
Two and a Half Men
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 Episode 24/24

Charlie sleeps with a young woman, oblivious to the fact she is married to an elderly man. Jake's teacher asks him to write a report of his weekend and he describes how the man showed up at the apartment looking for his wife, but the story veers some way from what really happened
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 Episode 2/24

Alan finds himself in the awkward posiition of trying to recover $38 that he lent to Charlie. However, Charlie ejects him from the house. Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:35pm
Two and a Half Men
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 Episode 6/24

Part one of two. Alan makes a bid to rekindle his relationship with Judith, while Herb tries to adopt Charlie's bachelor lifestyle. Guest starring Ryan Stiles
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
3:00pm
Last Man Standing
Home Sweet Loan
Season 5 Episode 15/22

Mike convinces Kristin and Ryan to buy a home instead of renting an apartment. However, after he finds the ideal place for them, Ryan surprises everyone with a change of heart and backs out. American comedy, starring Tim Allen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
3:30pm
Last Man Standing
Eve's Band
Season 5 Episode 16/22

Eve and her friend form a band, but they sound so terrible Mike is determined to split them up. Kyle and Mandy babysit Boyd
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
4:00pm
Neighbours
Elly and Shaun share an unexpected moment, while Pierce organises a cleaning job at the hotel for Hendrix, hoping to instil responsibility in his wayward son
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
4:30pm
Home and Away
Dean is delighted at the improvement in his mother, but decides to keep her in the dark about Mackenzie and his relationship with Ziggy
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
5:00pm
Two and a Half Men
I Found Your Moustache
Season 7 Episode 17/22

After Charlie runs into Chelsea and Brad at the movies he asks Alan to go with him to her house to spy on the couple, but when Brad does goes home for the night and Chelsea drives to Malibu, the pair realise she is driving to Charlie's house. However, the next morning Charlie realises she never intended to get back together with him and he goes to Tom and Ed's house for advice
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
5:35pm
Two and a Half Men
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 Episode 18/22

Charlie hooks up with Chelsea's best friend, which causes problems when his ex suggests a reconciliation, and Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Dead from the Waist Down
Season 8 Episode 11/16

Alan feels inadequate when he realises he cannot shower Lindsey with gifts the way Charlie does with Courtney. Desperate to gain ground, he offers massages at the mall for extra money, but when this venture fails to bring in a decent profit, he decides to resort to desperate measures
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:30pm
Two and a Half Men
Skunk, Dog, C**p and Ketchup
Season 8 Episode 13/16

Alan forbids Lindsey from inviting Charlie to her housewarming party, convinced his womanising brother is about to make a move on her. However, the plan backfires and he ends up getting banned himself - forcing him to spy on proceedings from the outside
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
7:00pm
Neighbours
Elly and Shaun share an unexpected moment, while Pierce organises a cleaning job at the hotel for Hendrix, hoping to instil responsibility in his wayward son
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
7:30pm
Home and Away
Dean reluctantly introduces Ziggy and Karen to each other, while Alex and Jasmine discuss a possible way to unlock Robbo's lost memories about Dylan Carter
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
8:00pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 3 Episode 13/14

The debt collection agents grapple with emotional evictions and moral dilemmas during the festive period, including a young family in Crystal Palace who are made homeless when the landlord repossesses their home because he wants to redevelop the property. The eviction comes as a shock to the family as they are up to date with their rent, but have just one hour to gather their belongings. Plus, an acrimonious divorce in Chessington comes to a head when the estranged wife obtains a writ to reclaim the house, and an off-licence owner in Hampshire with unpaid rent of more than £5,000 battles to keep his business open just as everything shuts down for the holidays
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
9:00pm
Airport 24/7: Thailand
Mangos and Medical Dogs
Season 1 Episode 4/10

Long-suffering customs officer Pui has a hard time trying to explain the prohibited goods rule to a passenger who is trying to bring a box of illegal fruit into Thailand
(Audio Described)

Rating: 3.5
10:00pm
Rich Kids, Skint Holiday
Season 1 Episode 5/6

Charlie grew up in the luxury of his parents' 16-acre home, but now he is going on his first budget British break with camping experts the Mason family
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.1
11:00pm
Film Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
The fairytale brother and sister grow up to be renowned witch hunters, using advanced weaponry to battle the supernatural. Their latest case leads to an encounter with a powerful sorceress stealing children for an arcane ritual and a discovery about their own past. Fantasy adventure, with Gemma Arterton, Jeremy Renner and Famke Janssen
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 7.5
12:00am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
12:05am
Film Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
The fairytale brother and sister grow up to be renowned witch hunters, using advanced weaponry to battle the supernatural. Their latest case leads to an encounter with a powerful sorceress stealing children for an arcane ritual and a discovery about their own past. Fantasy adventure, with Gemma Arterton, Jeremy Renner and Famke Janssen
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 7.5
12:50am
Film The Brothers Grimsby (2016)
Two brothers are separated at birth, the younger growing up to be MI6's top agent while the older becomes a layabout football hooligan. When they are finally reunited, the dim-witted elder sibling ends up helping his brother foil an evil plan that threatens the entire world. Action comedy, starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong and Rebel Wilson
(Subtitles)

Rating: 1.9
1:55am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
2:00am
Film The Brothers Grimsby (2016)
Two brothers are separated at birth, the younger growing up to be MI6's top agent while the older becomes a layabout football hooligan. When they are finally reunited, the dim-witted elder sibling ends up helping his brother foil an evil plan that threatens the entire world. Action comedy, starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong and Rebel Wilson
(Subtitles)

Rating: 1.9
2:30am
Young, Dumb and Banged Up in the Sun
Season 1 Episode 2/6

The cases of a woman imprisoned in Dubai for having sex in the back of a taxi and a man who got into a fight in Thailand, and found himself sharing a prison with his opponents
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.8
3:30am
Star
Boy Trouble
Season 1 Episode 10/12

The girls discover they need a fourth member for the next round of the Atlanta contest, so they have no choice but to ask Eva to join to group - much to Star's dismay
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
4:15am
Riverdale
The Town That Dreaded Sundown
Season 2 Episode 4/22

Archie's viral video has dangerous repercussions. Mayor McCoy holds an emergency meeting, but Betty and Jughead realise it is going to be attacked
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.6
5:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5

Tue 15 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
The Big Sleepover
Season 5 Episode 8/22

Eve tells the family that her best friend Cammy needs to move in with them, and Kristin asks Mandy to design the new uniforms for the Outdoor Man Grill
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Smallville
Visitor
Season 2 Episode 18/23

Clark investigates the background of a new student who claims to be an alien and to prove it offers a display of heat vision, while Helen discovers a mysterious locked room in the Luthor mansion and demands to know what it contains, presenting Lex with a dilemma. Tom Welling stars as the fledgling superhero, with Kristin Kreuk and Michael Rosenbaum
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.2
10:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 3 Episode 11/14

The enforcement agents try to mediate a dispute in a takeaway, and deal with rent evaders living in potentially deadly conditions. Plus, a businessman faces financial ruin
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
11:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 3 Episode 13/14

The debt collection agents grapple with emotional evictions and moral dilemmas during the festive period, including a young family in Crystal Palace who are made homeless when the landlord repossesses their home because he wants to redevelop the property. The eviction comes as a shock to the family as they are up to date with their rent, but have just one hour to gather their belongings. Plus, an acrimonious divorce in Chessington comes to a head when the estranged wife obtains a writ to reclaim the house, and an off-licence owner in Hampshire with unpaid rent of more than £5,000 battles to keep his business open just as everything shuts down for the holidays
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
12:10pm
My Wife and Kids
Outbreak Monkey
Season 4 Episode 19/30

Michael takes extreme measures to ensure he does not catch the flu from his ailing family - including spraying them with disinfectant and using a 10ft extending grabber to hand Jay her orange juice. Comedy, starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
12:40pm
My Wife and Kids
Empty Nest - Part One
Season 4 Episode 20/30

Part one of two. Michael and Jay reminisce about the good times they have shared together
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
1:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
Season 3 Episode 1/24

Alan injures himself falling from the roof, forcing Charlie to look after nephew Jake for the weekend - until he finds his social life compromised. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:35pm
Two and a Half Men
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 Episode 3/24

Charlie is curious about Alan's mysterious love life - until he finds out his brother has been seeing his former wife Judith. He later admits to Rose that he is scared he will miss Jake if the couple patch up their differences and start again. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 Episode 8/24

Charlie's girlfriend Chelsea asks him to spend the night at her place, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake. Jennifer Taylor guest stars
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:35pm
Two and a Half Men
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 Episode 9/24

Alan's love life begins to improve with the help of his brother's Mercedes, while Charlie is forced to cover for Jake after he disappears with a former NFL player's daughter. Starring Jon Cryer, Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
3:00pm
Last Man Standing
Tanks for the Memories
Season 5 Episode 17/22

Mike wants to buy his dead neighbour's collection of model tanks, and goes to desperate lengths to obtain it after his widow sells them. Kristin and Ed receive a scathing review
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
3:30pm
Last Man Standing
He Shed She Shed
Season 5 Episode 18/22

Mike thinks Vanessa's work is taking over the house, so he builds her a shed
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
4:00pm
Neighbours
Ned makes clear that he does not want to rush into a new relationship, but Scarlett has other ideas and will clearly stop at nothing to get what she wants
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
4:30pm
Home and Away
Dean reluctantly introduces Ziggy and Karen to each other, while Alex and Jasmine discuss a possible way to unlock Robbo's lost memories about Dylan Carter
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
5:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 Episode 19/22

Alan struggles as he is attracted to Lyndsay, but her son, who is Jake's new friend, has a bad influence on his son. Meanwhile, Charlie has trouble writing the theme song for a new TV show
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
5:30pm
Two and a Half Men
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 Episode 22/22

Charlie relies on Jake to be his driver when he loses his licence, and is less than impressed when Alan makes plans to attend Chelsea's birthday party
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Season 8 Episode 15/16

Alan receives investment money from family members for his booming chiropractic business, and pockets their contribution instead of using it to further his plans. Meanwhile, Gordon delivers a pizza to Rose's house, and catches sight of her new husband
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:30pm
Two and a Half Men
That Darn Priest
Season 8 Episode 16/16

Charlie is tricked into fearing for his safety as his so-called affair continues, and Rose finds out how all Alan's investments are being spent. Desperate to keep his scam under wraps, he follows her home to beg for her silence, but ends up discovering the truth about her husband Manny. The last ever episode featuring Charlie Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
7:00pm
Neighbours
Ned makes clear that he does not want to rush into a new relationship, but Scarlett has other ideas and will clearly stop at nothing to get what she wants
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
7:30pm
Home and Away
Alex puts Robbo under hypnosis to unblock his memory and, after finding Maggie distraught, Ziggy thinks up a plan to bring her family together again and tackle Ben's depression
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
8:00pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 2/25

Agents Stewart and Elmore are met with lies and aggression when they track down nearly £3,000 owed by a garage mechanic, while Steve and Ben encounter a retired couple who are being forced to leave their home. Stuart and Vic revisit a young debtor who owe £750 for a laptop computer, and in Oxfordshire, Paul and Steve chase £30,000 owed by a world-famous Formula One racing team
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
9:00pm
Big Family Values: More Kids Than Cash
More Kids Than Cash
Season 1 Episode 2/4

A family of 12 moves into a 14-acre property in Cornwall hoping to make a fresh start and provide a better quality of life for the children. In Essex, a couple with a 26-year age gap and eight children hope to make a profit by opening a shop selling party supplies
(Subtitles)

Rating: 5.5
10:00pm
Film What Women Want (2000)
A freak accident gives a womanising executive the ability to hear the thoughts of the opposite sex. Embittered after losing out on promotion to a female colleague, he uses his new-found talent to exact revenge - but the insight it provides ultimately brings out an unexpected sensitive side. Romantic comedy, starring Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda and Bette Midler
(Subtitles)

Rating: 5.1
11:00pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
11:05pm
Film What Women Want (2000)
A freak accident gives a womanising executive the ability to hear the thoughts of the opposite sex. Embittered after losing out on promotion to a female colleague, he uses his new-found talent to exact revenge - but the insight it provides ultimately brings out an unexpected sensitive side. Romantic comedy, starring Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda and Bette Midler
(Subtitles)

Rating: 5.1
12:40am
Film Fool's Gold (2008)
A man's single-minded pursuit of a legendary treasure takes its toll on his marriage and his wife decamps for a new life on board the yacht of a globe-trotting billionaire. But the bickering pair reunite when a new clue to the whereabouts of the elusive fortune emerges, and they enlist the help of the wife's new boss to help them find it. Romantic comedy adventure, starring Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland and Ray Winstone
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.1
1:40am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
1:45am
Film Fool's Gold (2008)
A man's single-minded pursuit of a legendary treasure takes its toll on his marriage and his wife decamps for a new life on board the yacht of a globe-trotting billionaire. But the bickering pair reunite when a new clue to the whereabouts of the elusive fortune emerges, and they enlist the help of the wife's new boss to help them find it. Romantic comedy adventure, starring Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland and Ray Winstone
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.1
2:55am
Star
Saving Face
Season 1 Episode 11/12

Hunter and Star are ready to take the next step in their relationship. Rose helps Alex and Derek deal with the a traumatic experience. Naomi Campbell and Paris Jackson guest star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
3:55am
Riverdale
When a Stranger Calls
Season 2 Episode 5/22

Betty turns to Archie for support when The Black Hood tells her he knows where Polly is, and gives her an ultimatum regarding a mugshot of Alice. Elsewhere, Veronica and the Pussycats' plans for a wild night out take an unexpected turn. Starring Lili Reinhart, Camila Mendes, K.J. Apa and Cole Sprouse
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.6
4:35am
Two and a Half Men
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 Episode 7/22

Charlie celebrates setting a date for his wedding by getting drunk with Alan, but the pair wake up in bed together with a strange woman

Rating: 7.3
5:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5

Wed 16 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
The Gratitude List
Season 5 Episode 9/22

Vanessa is disappointed when she realises it will only be her, Mike and Eve at the Baxter Thanksgiving table. American comedy, starring Tim Allen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Smallville
Precipice
Season 2 Episode 19/23

An old flame begins to stalk Helen, prompting a concerned Lex to take direct action to stop him in his tracks. Clark also behaves gallantly, but loses control and assaults a fellow student who is threatening Lana, leading to a lawsuit against the Kents that places their farm in jeopardy. Comic-book adventure, starring Tom Welling and Kristin Kreuk
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.2
10:05am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 2/25

Agents Stewart and Elmore are met with lies and aggression when they track down nearly £3,000 owed by a garage mechanic, while Steve and Ben encounter a retired couple who are being forced to leave their home. Stuart and Vic revisit a young debtor who owe £750 for a laptop computer, and in Oxfordshire, Paul and Steve chase £30,000 owed by a world-famous Formula One racing team
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
11:05am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 4/25

Paul and Ben face a challenging eviction in London, where a vulnerable tenant in rent arrears has barricaded her front door, and the agents receive a tirade of abuse. Meanwhile, Brian and Del chase a debt of nearly £2,000 in Surrey, before trying to recover almost £3,000 in Northamptonshire. Finally, Steve and Ru head to Portsmouth to evict a young family for a landlord who wants her property back
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
12:05pm
My Wife and Kids
Empty Nest - Part Two
Season 4 Episode 21/30

Part two of two. Michael and Jay look back and reminisce about the good times they have shared together
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
12:40pm
My Wife and Kids
Calvin Comes to Stay
Season 4 Episode 22/30

Vanessa's father moves in after his wife kicks him out of their home
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
1:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 Episode 4/24

Berta temporarily moves into the beach house with Charlie and Alan, causing tension to arise between the two men, leading Alan to find his own apartment. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:35pm
Two and a Half Men
We Called It Mr Pinky
Season 3 Episode 5/24

Rose tells Charlie he is unable to sustain a lasting relationship with a woman because of his attitude to his mother, and Jake seeks advice about a girl at school. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:00pm
Two and a Half Men
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 Episode 10/24

Alan thinks about retiring when Evelyn announces she will take care of Jake's college education, but the youngster displays a talent that could change their plans for him
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:30pm
Two and a Half Men
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 Episode 13/24

Charlie believes he knows the reason for Jake's bad mood, while Alan continues to think he is responsible for Judith's pregnancy. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
3:00pm
Last Man Standing
Outdoor Woman
Season 5 Episode 19/22

Mike has a meeting with a famous female rock climber in the hope of arranging a deal to sell her range of climbing equipment
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
3:30pm
Last Man Standing
Tattoo
Season 5 Episode 20/22

Vanessa hopes getting a tattoo will change the current status she has with her three daughters, while Ryan receives camping lessons from Kyle
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
4:00pm
Neighbours
At Susan's request, Toadie and Gary offer Pierce advice about parenting difficult youths, based on their own chequered experiences. Bea urges Scarlett to open up about her past
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
4:30pm
Home and Away
Alex puts Robbo under hypnosis to unblock his memory and, after finding Maggie distraught, Ziggy thinks up a plan to bring her family together again and tackle Ben's depression
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
5:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 Episode 1/16

Jake discovers that Alan has been secretly dating Eldridge's mother Lindsey, and is so furious he decides to move out and live with Judith full time. Meanwhile, Charlie resolves to drop his booze habit
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
5:30pm
Two and a Half Men
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 Episode 2/16

Alan struggles to decide whether to move in with Lyndsey, having become comfortable staying at Charlie's place. However, when he discovers that Judith is not so keen on the idea of his living so close, he gleefully takes the plunge - just to provoke his ex-wife's temper

Rating: 7.3
6:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Pilot
Season 1 Episode 1/24

Charlie Harper is shocked when his brother leaves his wife and asks to move in with him - with his son in tow. Initially reluctant to take in the new arrivals, he soon warms to having them around when the boy displays an unexpected skill for poker and proves useful in attracting women
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:30pm
Two and a Half Men
Big Flappy B*******
Season 1 Episode 2/24

Jake entices a flock of seagulls into his room, while Charlie tries to persuade him to obey a few rules. Alan finds himself continually summoned to Judith's house to do odd jobs. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
7:00pm
Neighbours
At Susan's request, Toadie and Gary offer Pierce advice about parenting difficult youths, based on their own chequered experiences. Bea urges Scarlett to open up about her past
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
7:30pm
Home and Away
Raffy continues to cold-shoulder Ryder's attempts to reach out to her, while a suggestion by Jasmine sets Robbo on a fresh track as he continues his attempts to track down Carter
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
8:00pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 3/25

Agents Stewart and Iain head to Manchester, where a landlord is owed £8,000 in rent arrears and has already called for police back-up. As tempers rise, the pair must find a way to handle a situation that is spiralling dangerously out of control. Meanwhile, Brian and Del chase £3,000 owed to a firm of letting agents, before tracking a debtor who was accidentally over-paid for a job. Plus, Stewart and Iain face an eviction that is set to test their patience
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
9:00pm
Britain's Naughtiest Nursery
Season 1 Episode 2/2

The parents of tearaway tots Tegan, Frankie and Daisy are at their wits' end and are hoping that Laverne Antrobus has just the trick to get everything back on track
(Subtitles)

10:00pm
Airport 24/7: Thailand
Crash Landing
Season 1 Episode 5/10

It is safety training day for Phuket International Airport's fire brigade, while Ebony from Australia arrives in Phuket to undergo a second breast augmentation procedure
(Audio Described)

Rating: 3.5
11:00pm
Film xXx (2002)
Extreme sports star Xander Cage finds himself in trouble when his daredevil exploits land him behind bars. However, he is offered an intriguing escape route, courtesy of National Security Agent Augustus Gibbons - who thinks the adrenaline junkie is the perfect man to bring down a gang of international terrorists in Prague. Action adventure, starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas and Michael Roof
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.5
12:05am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
12:10am
Film xXx (2002)
Extreme sports star Xander Cage finds himself in trouble when his daredevil exploits land him behind bars. However, he is offered an intriguing escape route, courtesy of National Security Agent Augustus Gibbons - who thinks the adrenaline junkie is the perfect man to bring down a gang of international terrorists in Prague. Action adventure, starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas and Michael Roof
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.5
1:25am
Criminals: Caught on Camera
Season 4 Episode 10/10

Nick Wallis presents highlights from the fourth series, including the nail-biting moment a lorry driver halted a car whose driver had collapsed
(Subtitles)

Rating: 2.6
2:30am
Star
Showtime
Season 1 Episode 12/12

Derek and Alex struggle to make an important decision, Jahil is in trouble with hardly anyone to turn to, and Star is upset with Hunter's actions
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
3:25am
Star
The Winner Takes It All
Season 2 Episode 1/18

In the fallout from Hunter and Eva's murder, it transpires that Jahil was also gunned down. Following Derek's accident, he and Alex are hit by a second blow after Alex loses her baby. Supermodel Naomi Campbell and singer Jussie Smollett guest star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
4:15am
Riverdale
Death Proof
Season 2 Episode 6/22

The Black Hood asks Betty for her help in bringing down a drug dealer, while Archie and Jughead intervene in a gang feud just as a raid by Sheriff Keller stirs up more trouble
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.6

Thu 17 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
Gift of the Wise Man
Season 5 Episode 11/22

Vanessa feels the pressure as Christmas approaches, so Mike - annoyed at how far his family has moved away from the true spirit of Christmas - tells each he wants them to perform a 'good deed' for her. Tim Allen stars
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Smallville
Witness
Season 2 Episode 20/23

Clark encounters an audacious teenage robber who inhales Kryptonite fumes from a respirator to give him super-strength. Chloe forms an unholy alliance with Lionel, while Jennifer Small announces she is going to divorce her husband Henry, convinced Lana has replaced her in his affections. Drama, starring Tom Welling, John Schneider and Kristin Kreuk
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.2
10:05am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 3/25

Agents Stewart and Iain head to Manchester, where a landlord is owed £8,000 in rent arrears and has already called for police back-up. As tempers rise, the pair must find a way to handle a situation that is spiralling dangerously out of control. Meanwhile, Brian and Del chase £3,000 owed to a firm of letting agents, before tracking a debtor who was accidentally over-paid for a job. Plus, Stewart and Iain face an eviction that is set to test their patience
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
11:05am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 5/25

Agents Stewart and Vic experience one of the most violent cases they have ever faced when they are confronted by an angry older gentleman. Later, the pair chase £3,000 owed for an unwanted car engine, but the debtor is convinced that he knows the law and the agents' jobs better than they do. Meanwhile, Steve and Ben face a dilemma in north London, where a tenant is being evicted for rent arrears, and in south London, Paul and Steve have no option but to force a dramatic entry into a property
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
12:10pm
My Wife and Kids
Calvin Goes to Work
Season 4 Episode 23/30

Michael's worst fears are realised after he reluctantly agrees to give Vanessa's father a job at Kyle Trucking. American family sitcom about a father who stays at home and looks after the kids while their mother goes out to work. Starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
12:40pm
My Wife and Kids
Romantic Night
Season 4 Episode 24/30

Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel, but Junior mistakenly cancels the reservation, forcing them to stay at home - where a disaster in the kitchen almost causes the house to burn down. American sitcom, starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
1:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 Episode 7/24

Charlie wakes up with Rose the night after her birthday party. Her irate father is quickly on the scene demanding to know what the future holds for the couple, but is interrupted when Evelyn unexpectedly shows up. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones, with guest star Martin Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:35pm
Two and a Half Men
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 Episode 8/24

Charlie becomes infatuated with a ballet teacher, but finds to his dismay that he has a rival for her affections in the form of an equally smitten Jake. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:05pm
Two and a Half Men
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 Episode 14/24

Melissa believes Alan is not appreciated by members of his family after they show little interest in a birthday party she throws for him, so she decides to ask him to live with her
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:35pm
Two and a Half Men
I'd Like to Start with the Cat
Season 6 Episode 15/24

Charlie agrees to accompany Chelsea to couples counselling with Dr Linda Freeman
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
3:00pm
Last Man Standing
The Marriage Doctor
Season 5 Episode 21/22

Mike finds out that his future son-in-law, Kyle, fears meeting with the church's new minister, while Ryan helps Eve with an assignment
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
3:30pm
Last Man Standing
The Shortcut
Season 5 Episode 22/22

Mike's anniversary at Outdoor Man is celebrated by a dinner and a speech. Meanwhile, after turning down a buyout offer for her clothing designs, Mandy decides that in order to save money she and Kyle will move in with Mike and Vanessa after they're married. Tim Allen stars
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
4:00pm
Neighbours
Scarlett wastes no time putting the next phase of her plan into operation, casually mentioning to Yashvi that she slept with Ned, while Hendrix steals Pierce's car to go joyriding
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
4:30pm
Home and Away
Raffy continues to cold-shoulder Ryder's attempts to reach out to her, while a suggestion by Jasmine sets Robbo on a fresh track as he continues his attempts to track down Carter
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
5:00pm
Two and a Half Men
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 Episode 3/16

Despite now living with Lindsey, Alan hooks up with an ex-girlfriend, prompting his eternally put-upon brother to pick at his conscience. However, an accident involving a discarded pipe places Charlie at the mercy of his sibling once again. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
5:30pm
Two and a Half Men
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 Episode 4/16

Lindsey takes every opportunity to remind Alan he accidentally burnt down her house, and when Charlie goes to check out the charred remains, he ends up bonding with Herb, Gordon the pizza guy and Lindsey's ex-husband Chris (guest star Judd Nelson)
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 Episode 3/24

Alan resolves to enjoy a weekend at Disneyland with his son - but when it goes spectacularly wrong, he settles for the company of Charlie and vast quantities of alcohol. The pair eventually decide to track down their mother and tell her what they think of her. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:30pm
Two and a Half Men
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 Episode 4/24

Charlie's cleaning lady walks out in exasperation over the increasing demands being placed on her, so Alan offers to take over as housekeeper - but proves unsuited to the role. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
7:00pm
Neighbours
Scarlett wastes no time putting the next phase of her plan into operation, casually mentioning to Yashvi that she slept with Ned, while Hendrix steals Pierce's car to go joyriding
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
7:30pm
Home and Away
Leah discovers what Irene is up to, and urges her friend to stay and fight for justice, while Raffy and Ryder, now happily reconciled, persuade Bella to return to school
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
8:00pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 4/25

Paul and Ben face a challenging eviction in London, where a vulnerable tenant in rent arrears has barricaded her front door, and the agents receive a tirade of abuse. Meanwhile, Brian and Del chase a debt of nearly £2,000 in Surrey, before trying to recover almost £3,000 in Northamptonshire. Finally, Steve and Ru head to Portsmouth to evict a young family for a landlord who wants her property back
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
9:00pm
Rich Kids, Skint Holiday
Season 1 Episode 5/6

Charlie grew up in the luxury of his parents' 16-acre home, but now he is going on his first budget British break with camping experts the Mason family
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.1
10:00pm
Kids in Drag: We're Fabulous!
Season 1 Episode 1/2

Exploring the journeys of three boys, aged 9, 10 and 12, as they follow their dreams of becoming fully-fledged drag queens. The first episode examines how the parents maintain the fine line of keeping their children's appearance age-appropriate as they apply their make-up and trial different styles. The question of gender identity is also raised and investigated, as the boys venture into the world of drag

11:00pm
Film Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)
Three friends decide to start their own business, but the plan is derailed when a duplicitous investor swindles them. They hatch a plan to get their money back by kidnapping the businessman's son and demanding a ransom. Comedy, starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, Jennifer Aniston and Christoph Waltz
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.8
12:00am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
12:05am
Film Horrible Bosses 2 (2014)
Three friends decide to start their own business, but the plan is derailed when a duplicitous investor swindles them. They hatch a plan to get their money back by kidnapping the businessman's son and demanding a ransom. Comedy, starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, Jennifer Aniston and Christoph Waltz
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.8
1:15am
Shock Docs
Desperately Seeking Perfection: Body Freaks
Season 1 Episode 9/11

Documentary exploring extreme cosmetic transformations, including sales assistant Jordan who has spent £100,000 to look like his idol, Kim Kardashian. Cameras also follow Keith, who is covered top-to-toe in tattoos, and Star is determined to rid herself of her old face, even if it means risking her health. There is also footage of Heather, who already has 11 facial piercings, and now she wants her ears modified and eyes tattooed
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
2:15am
Star
Insecure
Season 2 Episode 2/18

Ayanna reprimands the girls for their lack of commitment. Elsewhere, Simone forms a bond with a fellow inmate after a difficult start at juvenile prison
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
3:05am
Star
FUA... Good Night
Season 2 Episode 3/18

The girls' manager Jahil wants to regain their trust. Elsewhere, the girls agree to support Noah's Television spot, only for Star to co-opt the lead vocals
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
4:05am
Riverdale
Tales from the Darkside
Season 2 Episode 7/22

The Black Hood sets the people of Riverdale an ultimatum - go for 24 hours with no one committing a crime, or he will kill again. Betty has a theory about the vigilante's identity
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.6
4:50am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
5:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5

Fri 18 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
Mike and the Mechanics
Season 5 Episode 13/22

Mike tries to cheer up Eve by showing her career options at Outdoor Man, but car mechanic Joe winds up being an unexpected influence on her. American comedy, starring Tim Allen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Smallville
Accelerate
Season 2 Episode 21/23

Lana becomes convinced she is being haunted by the ghost of a dead friend, but does not suspect the apparition's true nature - or that it possesses kryptonite-enhanced powers. Meanwhile, Lionel finally gains control of the Indian cave. Comic-strip drama, starring Tom Welling and Kristin Kreuk
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.2
10:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!: Big Family Bust Up
Season 4 Episode 8/25

One-off edition in which the High Court enforcement agents are caught in the crossfire of three bitter family disputes, including a debt-dodging man who pushes his panic-stricken mother over the edge. Plus, a family booted onto the streets at night by a ruthless aunt, and a man who won't engage with the agents and loses his car
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
11:10am
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Can't Pay Special: Secrets & Lies
Season 4 Episode 9/25

Paul and Steve have an emotional confrontation in Berkshire when a tearful woman accuses her landlord of fleecing her for extra rent, while Brian and Del travel to Luton to recover £4,500 owed by an elusive debtor who has been giving them the runaround
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
12:10pm
My Wife and Kids
The Director
Season 4 Episode 25/30

Michael's determination to tape an important basketball game prompts him to accidentally record over a home video of baby Kady's first steps - which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished possessions. American sitcom, starring Damon Wayans
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
12:40pm
My Wife and Kids
The Maid
Season 4 Episode 26/30

Michael hires super-efficient maid Mrs Hopkins to look after the family, but when she gradually takes over the household, Jay is left feeling surplus to requirements
(Subtitles)

Rating: 4.7
1:05pm
Two and a Half Men
Madame and Her Special Friend
Season 3 Episode 9/24

One of Charlie's elderly neighbours becomes attracted to Alan, and Charlie tries to prevent Jake giving money to a TV evangelist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. With guest star Cloris Leachman
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:40pm
Two and a Half Men
Something Salted and Twisted
Season 3 Episode 10/24

Alan begins to see himself in a new light, and vows to a sceptical Charlie that he is no longer going to grovel for approval from his mother and the other women in his life. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:05pm
Two and a Half Men
She'll Still Be Dead at Half-time
Season 6 Episode 16/24

Charlie lands himself in a difficult situation when he has to hurry a date out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives at his place. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jennifer Taylor
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
2:35pm
Two and a Half Men
The Ocu or the Pado
Season 6 Episode 17/24

Charlie reveals his true feelings to Chelsea and is shocked by her unexpected response. Starring Charlie Sheen and Jennifer Taylor
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
3:00pm
Last Man Standing
Papa Bear
Season 6 Episode 1/22

Kyle leaves the loading dock door open, allowing a bear to wander into Outdoor Man, while Kristin has been working so hard preparing to host her very first brunch at the grill that husband Ryan has been feeling neglected. American comedy, starring Tim Allen, Nancy Travis, Molly Ephraim and Kaitlyn Deve
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
3:30pm
Last Man Standing
Gameday Forecast: Showers
Season 6 Episode 2/22

Mike is disappointed to learn that the wedding showers for Mandy and Kyle are scheduled on the same day as the Broncos-Chargers football game. American comedy, starring Tim Allen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
4:00pm
Neighbours
Harlow is rescued and taken to hospital, while Sheila gatecrashes a dinner party attended by Clive and Beverly, with unexpected consequences
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
4:30pm
Home and Away
Leah discovers what Irene is up to, and urges her friend to stay and fight for justice, while Raffy and Ryder, now happily reconciled, persuade Bella to return to school
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
5:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Springtime on a Stick
Season 8 Episode 8/16

Charlie and Alan hope to cheer up a depressed Evelyn by inviting Russell the pharmacist to her birthday party. However, when he shows up with a hot date in tow, the Harper matriarch ends up even more upset
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
5:35pm
Two and a Half Men
A Good Time in Central Africa
Season 8 Episode 9/16

Bertha takes a few days off and arranges for a friend to fill in as a replacement housekeeper, but she proves to be so good at her work that Charlie has to choose between the two. Meanwhile, Alan gets back together with Lindsey, but discovers he has a stalker in the form of her ex-husband Chris
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:00pm
Two and a Half Men
The Last Thing You Want to Wind Up with Is a Hump
Season 1 Episode 5/24

Charlie attends one of Jake's soccer games and ends up hitting it off with another player's mother. Meanwhile, Alan's attempt to help with the team's organisation leads to two women fighting over him. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
6:30pm
Two and a Half Men
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 Episode 6/24

Charlie teaches Jake to ignore unwanted female telephone callers, which backfires when Evelyn turns up unannounced. She drags him off to dinner with her new boyfriend and his daughter - who turns out to be one of the women Charlie has studiously avoided ringing. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
7:00pm
Neighbours
Harlow is rescued and taken to hospital, while Sheila gatecrashes a dinner party attended by Clive and Beverly, with unexpected consequences
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 4.3
7:30pm
Home and Away
Irene's trial opens with an unwelcome surprise when Tommy gives evidence. Justin is concerned about Raffy's apparent deterioration, but Alex is on hand with support
(Subtitles) (Audio Described)

Rating: 3.4
8:00pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 5/25

Agents Stewart and Vic experience one of the most violent cases they have ever faced when they are confronted by an angry older gentleman. Later, the pair chase £3,000 owed for an unwanted car engine, but the debtor is convinced that he knows the law and the agents' jobs better than they do. Meanwhile, Steve and Ben face a dilemma in north London, where a tenant is being evicted for rent arrears, and in south London, Paul and Steve have no option but to force a dramatic entry into a property
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
9:00pm
Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords
Season 3 Episode 8/16

Kent couple Rachel and Chris are pushed to the limit when their relationship with their tenant breaks down and she stops paying rent, leaving them more than £5,000 out of pocket. Now they need to get her out or they could lose the house. Elsewhere, a tenant uses scare tactics to keep his landlord off his back, and in Harrow, council housing officers investigate a residential property that has been turned into a brothel
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.8
10:00pm
Film The Magnificent Seven (2016)
A remote frontier town falls under the control of a ruthless industrialist, who uses the locals as forced labour in his mines. A woman goes in search of help, recruiting a band of seven hired guns to protect the town and train the people to fight back. Remake of the classic Western, starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.7
11:05pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
11:10pm
Film The Magnificent Seven (2016)
A remote frontier town falls under the control of a ruthless industrialist, who uses the locals as forced labour in his mines. A woman goes in search of help, recruiting a band of seven hired guns to protect the town and train the people to fight back. Remake of the classic Western, starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt
(Subtitles)

Rating: 8.7
12:45am
Impact Wrestling
Season 2 Episode 31/100

Wrestling show featuring innovative high-risk matches and interviews with the stars

Rating: 9.1
2:40am
Star
Code of Silence
Season 1 Episode 4/12

Carlotta pursues the truth about Simone and Star, and Jahil helps obtain a fake ID for Eva. Star is confronted by Simone's foster father. Gladys Knight guest stars
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.5
3:40am
Riverdale
House of the Devil
Season 2 Episode 8/22

FP turns his back on a life of crime, and Jughead throws him a party to celebrate. Archie and Veronica investigate a mystery from the past with a possible link to the Black Hood
(Subtitles)

Rating: 9.6
4:25am
Two and a Half Men
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 Episode 7/22

Charlie celebrates setting a date for his wedding by getting drunk with Alan, but the pair wake up in bed together with a strange woman

Rating: 7.3
4:50am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
5:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5

Sat 19 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
9:10am
Two and a Half Men
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Season 2 Episode 23/24

Evelyn hears that Jake has been spending a lot of time with his other grandparents and demands he stay with her for a night. Alan is horrified at the prospect of his son getting the same treatment he did, so Charlie tries to take his mind off things - with help from a female volleyball team
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
9:30am
Two and a Half Men
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 Episode 24/24

Charlie sleeps with a young woman, oblivious to the fact she is married to an elderly man. Jake's teacher asks him to write a report of his weekend and he describes how the man showed up at the apartment looking for his wife, but the story veers some way from what really happened
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
9:55am
Two and a Half Men
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
Season 3 Episode 1/24

Alan injures himself falling from the roof, forcing Charlie to look after nephew Jake for the weekend - until he finds his social life compromised. Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
10:25am
Two and a Half Men
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 Episode 3/24

Charlie is curious about Alan's mysterious love life - until he finds out his brother has been seeing his former wife Judith. He later admits to Rose that he is scared he will miss Jake if the couple patch up their differences and start again. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
10:50am
Two and a Half Men
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 Episode 4/24

Berta temporarily moves into the beach house with Charlie and Alan, causing tension to arise between the two men, leading Alan to find his own apartment. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
11:20am
Two and a Half Men
We Called It Mr Pinky
Season 3 Episode 5/24

Rose tells Charlie he is unable to sustain a lasting relationship with a woman because of his attitude to his mother, and Jake seeks advice about a girl at school. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
11:45am
Two and a Half Men
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 Episode 7/24

Charlie wakes up with Rose the night after her birthday party. Her irate father is quickly on the scene demanding to know what the future holds for the couple, but is interrupted when Evelyn unexpectedly shows up. Starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones, with guest star Martin Sheen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
12:40pm
Two and a Half Men
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 Episode 8/24

Charlie becomes infatuated with a ballet teacher, but finds to his dismay that he has a rival for her affections in the form of an equally smitten Jake. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T Jones
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:10pm
Film George of the Jungle (1997)
An American heiress on holiday in Africa gets stranded in the wilderness, but is rescued by a primitive man who was raised by apes. When her cruel fiancee takes her back to the States, the besotted king of the jungle follows, but is unprepared for modern living. Comedy based on the TV cartoon series, starring Brendan Fraser, Leslie Mann, Thomas Haden Church and Richard Roundtree

Rating: 6.5
2:10pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
2:15pm
Film George of the Jungle (1997)
An American heiress on holiday in Africa gets stranded in the wilderness, but is rescued by a primitive man who was raised by apes. When her cruel fiancee takes her back to the States, the besotted king of the jungle follows, but is unprepared for modern living. Comedy based on the TV cartoon series, starring Brendan Fraser, Leslie Mann, Thomas Haden Church and Richard Roundtree

Rating: 6.5
3:00pm
Film Junior (1994)
A fertility expert pioneers a treatment enabling men to become pregnant and carry babies to full term. When the authorities cancel funding for the research, he decides to test it on himself, but gives little thought to how difficult it will be to keep it a secret. The situation is further complicated when he starts to fall for the woman whose child he is carrying. Comedy, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson and Frank Langella
(Subtitles)

Rating: 5.1
4:05pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
4:10pm
Film Junior (1994)
A fertility expert pioneers a treatment enabling men to become pregnant and carry babies to full term. When the authorities cancel funding for the research, he decides to test it on himself, but gives little thought to how difficult it will be to keep it a secret. The situation is further complicated when he starts to fall for the woman whose child he is carrying. Comedy, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Emma Thompson and Frank Langella
(Subtitles)

Rating: 5.1
5:15pm
Film Jungle 2 Jungle (1997)
A businessman ventures deep into the Amazon to look for his estranged doctor wife seeking a divorce, only to discover he has a 13-year-old son who has been raised as part of a jungle tribe. The boy is sent back to New York with his father, but has a lot to learn about the modern world. Comedy, starring Tim Allen, Lolita Davidovich, Martin Short, JoBeth Williams and Sam Huntington
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.9
6:15pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
6:20pm
Film Jungle 2 Jungle (1997)
A businessman ventures deep into the Amazon to look for his estranged doctor wife seeking a divorce, only to discover he has a 13-year-old son who has been raised as part of a jungle tribe. The boy is sent back to New York with his father, but has a lot to learn about the modern world. Comedy, starring Tim Allen, Lolita Davidovich, Martin Short, JoBeth Williams and Sam Huntington
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.9
7:20pm
Film A Knight's Tale (2001)
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight, launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell

Rating: 7.8
8:25pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
8:30pm
Film A Knight's Tale (2001)
A poverty-stricken squire spies an opportunity to make his dreams come true when his employer dies. He takes his place as a knight, launching himself on the road to riches by competing in jousting tournaments, but his ruse is jeopardised by a dastardly nobleman. Comedy adventure, starring Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon and Rufus Sewell

Rating: 7.8
10:00pm
Film Wild Card (2015)
Las Vegas bodyguard Nick Wild finds himself dealing with more than just his gambling problem after he takes revenge on the criminal who attacked his friend, little realising that the thug in question is the son of a mob boss. Action thriller, starring Jason Statham, Michael Angarano and Milo Ventimiglia

Rating: 6.7
11:00pm
Access
Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
11:05pm
Film Wild Card (2015)
Las Vegas bodyguard Nick Wild finds himself dealing with more than just his gambling problem after he takes revenge on the criminal who attacked his friend, little realising that the thug in question is the son of a mob boss. Action thriller, starring Jason Statham, Michael Angarano and Milo Ventimiglia

Rating: 6.7
12:05am
Film Tower Block (2012)
The last remaining residents of a soon-to-be-demolished tower block prepare to leave, only to find all the ways out of the building have been cut off and a mysterious sniper is watching their every move, waiting to gun them down. They find that not only is the building booby-trapped with deadly devices, but also that some of their number are not as innocent as they seem. Thriller, starring Sheridan Smith, Jack O'Connell, Russell Tovey and Ralph Brown

Rating: 5.9
1:05am
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Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
1:10am
Film Tower Block (2012)
The last remaining residents of a soon-to-be-demolished tower block prepare to leave, only to find all the ways out of the building have been cut off and a mysterious sniper is watching their every move, waiting to gun them down. They find that not only is the building booby-trapped with deadly devices, but also that some of their number are not as innocent as they seem. Thriller, starring Sheridan Smith, Jack O'Connell, Russell Tovey and Ralph Brown

Rating: 5.9
2:00am
Film The Brothers Grimsby (2016)
Two brothers are separated at birth, the younger growing up to be MI6's top agent while the older becomes a layabout football hooligan. When they are finally reunited, the dim-witted elder sibling ends up helping his brother foil an evil plan that threatens the entire world. Action comedy, starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong and Rebel Wilson

Rating: 1.9
3:05am
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Rating: 5.4
3:10am
Film The Brothers Grimsby (2016)
Two brothers are separated at birth, the younger growing up to be MI6's top agent while the older becomes a layabout football hooligan. When they are finally reunited, the dim-witted elder sibling ends up helping his brother foil an evil plan that threatens the entire world. Action comedy, starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Mark Strong and Rebel Wilson

Rating: 1.9
3:40am
Celeb Trolls: We're Coming to Get You
Season 1 Episode 1/3

Frankie Bridge and her expert team of troll trackers are back to help more victims of cyberstalking. In this episode, the team, which includes former MI-5 officers and undercover police specialists, track a troll who has spent the last two years harassing model and reality TV star Nicola McLean

Rating: 4.7
4:35am
Two and a Half Men
Madame and Her Special Friend
Season 3 Episode 9/24

One of Charlie's elderly neighbours becomes attracted to Alan, and Charlie tries to prevent Jake giving money to a TV evangelist. Comedy, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. With guest star Cloris Leachman
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3

Sun 20 Oct

7:00am
Teleshopping
A chance to buy goods from the comfort of home

Rating: 2.5
8:00am
High Street TV

9:00am
Last Man Standing
Home Sweet Loan
Season 5 Episode 15/22

Mike convinces Kristin and Ryan to buy a home instead of renting an apartment. However, after he finds the ideal place for them, Ryan surprises everyone with a change of heart and backs out. American comedy, starring Tim Allen
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.5
9:20am
Two and a Half Men
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 Episode 18/24

Charlie cares for Chelsea when she becomes ill - but is forced to fight his overwhelming urge to flee from the situation. Charlie Sheen and Jennifer Taylor star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
9:45am
Two and a Half Men
Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau
Season 6 Episode 20/24

Charlie desperately tries to stop Chelsea and Evelyn becoming friends following their first meeting. Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Taylor and Holland Taylor star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
10:05am
Two and a Half Men
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 Episode 21/24

Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with her friend Rose. Jennifer Taylor, Jon Cryer and Melanie Lynskey star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
10:35am
Two and a Half Men
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 Episode 22/24

Charlie feels upset by the loss of his bachelor pad when he lets Chelsea move into his home, and Alan realises there might not be any room for him
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
11:05am
Two and a Half Men
Good Morning Mrs Butterworth
Season 6 Episode 23/24

Charlie tries to make the most of Chelsea and Alan's budding friendship. Charlie Sheen, Jennifer Taylor and Jon Cryer star
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
11:30am
Two and a Half Men
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 Episode 1/22

Chelsea encourages Charlie to help his ex-fiancee Mia launch her music career, but he struggles with his feelings for her, while Alan wants Charlie to let Melissa move in with him
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
12:00pm
Two and a Half Men
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 Episode 2/22

Charlie's fiancee Chelsea persuades him to let Alan's girlfriend Melissa move in, but the men become frustrated when the girls take over the house
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
12:30pm
Two and a Half Men
Mmm, Fish - Yum
Season 7 Episode 3/22

Alan finds himself dealing with Judith's mother in an attempt to get closer to his ex-wife's new baby, while Jake seeks every opportunity to drive when he gets his licence. Starring Jon Cryer and Marin Hinkle
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
12:55pm
Two and a Half Men
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 Episode 10/22

Charlie tries to find a sensitive way to discuss a prenuptial agreement with Chelsea, but is stunned when she reveals she has just as much need for one as he has
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:15pm
Two and a Half Men
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 Episode 12/22

Jake writes Celeste love songs in a bid to win her back, while Judith tries to stop Alan and Herb's new friendship in its tracks
(Subtitles)

Rating: 7.3
1:45pm
Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords
Season 4 Episode 5/16

Mansfield mother-of-two Kerrie was left feeling betrayed after renting her house to a friend in need, who then stopped paying any rent. To add insult to injury, she also ruined the house by keeping too many dogs at the property. Mental health nurse Emmanuel found himself in a financial hole when his tenant stopped paying rent or answering his calls, and a landlord in Notting Hill ended up being owed £16,000 after five months of receiving no rent
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.6
2:45pm
Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
Season 4 Episode 6/16

A furious landlord discovers his tenant has been subletting his exclusive north-west London flat - having not paid any rent for months. In Woolwich, squatters with a baby are given two weeks to find somewhere new to live, while a High Court enforcement officer helps an Essex grandmother evict her non-paying tenants in Dagenham
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.6
3:45pm
Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
Season 4 Episode 9/16

Documentary about the horrors of the rental market including a landlord who decided to sell his east London flat so he could afford a property with his girlfriend. But when he told his tenant, things quickly turned sour and the man stopped paying rent and refused to leave. Plus, the story of a pub owner in Lincolnshire trying to evict his tenant, having rented it 10 years ago on a 'gentleman's handshake'. Now, however, he is owed a staggering £40,000 in unpaid rent
(Subtitles)

Rating: 6.6
4:45pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!: Big Family Bust Up
Season 4 Episode 8/25

One-off edition in which the High Court enforcement agents are caught in the crossfire of three bitter family disputes, including a debt-dodging man who pushes his panic-stricken mother over the edge. Plus, a family booted onto the streets at night by a ruthless aunt, and a man who won't engage with the agents and loses his car
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
5:45pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Can't Pay Special: Secrets & Lies
Season 4 Episode 9/25

Paul and Steve have an emotional confrontation in Berkshire when a tearful woman accuses her landlord of fleecing her for extra rent, while Brian and Del travel to Luton to recover £4,500 owed by an elusive debtor who has been giving them the runaround
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
6:45pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 11/25

In south London, father-and-son team Del and Dael Anglin face death threats from a debtor's father, after arriving at a property to collect a debt of over £3,500. Meanwhile, in east London, two agents are confronted with a tenant who claims to have had no prior warning that he is being evicted from his tiny bedsit. Del and Brian try to recover £6,000 owed by a London hotel to a catering supply company, and Paul and Steve must tackle a difficult eviction
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
7:45pm
Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away!
Season 4 Episode 13/25

Stewart and Elmor visit Nottingham to chase almost £8,000 owed by a car dealership to a dissatisfied customer, while on the Isle of Wight, Brian and Del try to collect £3,700 of unpaid estate agency fees. The job begins peacefully, until one of the agents is physically assaulted by the debtor's wife. In Lancashire, Stewart and Iain struggle to identify the person who owes almost £2,000 after a failed compensation claim, while Del and Dael try to recover nearly £3,500 from a businessman in West London
(Subtitles)

Rating: 3
8:50pm
Film Alice in Wonderland (2010)
A 19-year-old Alice returns to the magical land, having forgotten her previous adventures. She finds the tyrannical Red Queen has begun a reign of terror that can only be ended by slaying the monstrous Jabberwocky - a task she is seemingly destined to attempt. Tim Burton's fantasy adventure based on Lewis Carroll's novels, starring Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway

Rating: 7.3
9:50pm
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Showbiz news and gossip

Rating: 5.4
9:55pm
Film Alice in Wonderland (2010)
A 19-year-old Alice returns to the magical land, having forgotten her previous adventures. She finds the tyrannical Red Queen has begun a reign of terror that can only be ended by slaying the monstrous Jabberwocky - a task she is seemingly destined to attempt. Tim Burton's fantasy adventure based on Lewis Carroll's novels, starring Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway

Rating: 7.3
11:00pm
Film Carrie (2013)
A repressed teenage girl is tormented at school by bullies and at home by her fanatically religious mother. She begins to develop psychic powers and when her prom night results in one final humiliation, she snaps and uses her abilities to wreak a terrible revenge on everyone who has made her life a misery. Horror remake, starring Chloe Grace Moretz and Julianne Moore

Rating: 7
12:00am
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Rating: 5.4
12:05am
Film Carrie (2013)
A repressed teenage girl is tormented at school by bullies and at home by her fanatically religious mother. She begins to develop psychic powers and when her prom night results in one final humiliation, she snaps and uses her abilities to wreak a terrible revenge on everyone who has made her life a misery. Horror remake, starring Chloe Grace Moretz and Julianne Moore

Rating: 7
1:00am
When Kids Kill
When Kids Kill: Bullied to Death
Season 1 Episode 1/6

An investigation into the case of teenagers Hatice Can and Oluwakemi Ajose, who were convicted of the manslaughter of Rosimeiri Boxall in 2009. Presented by Leah Green

Rating: 7.2
2:00am
When Kids Kill
When Kids Kill: Predator Online
Season 1 Episode 2/6

Leah Green presents this documentary investigating the case of 18-year-old Lewis Daynes, who exploited schoolboy Breck Bednar's career aspirations in order to groom him online before killing him. Leah speaks to Breck's mother, who is determined to improve other children's awareness of online dangers

Rating: 7.2
3:00am
When Kids Kill
When Kids Kill: Schoolboy Slayer
Season 1 Episode 3/6

Leah Green examines the case of schoolboy William Cornick, who stabbed his Spanish teacher Ann Maguire seven times in the back in front of his classmates

Rating: 7.2
4:05am
When Kids Kill
When Kids Kill: Catfish Killer
Season 1 Episode 4/6

Leah Green examines the case of teenage karate instructor Tony Bushby, who used social media to ensnare art student Katie Wynter, before killing her on Boxing Day of 2011

Rating: 7.2
4:55am
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Rating: 5.4